Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize