After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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