I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
3pm strippers are depressing
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
