tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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