batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
