What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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