It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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