So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
