My sheets look like a crime scene.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
