Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
