Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
