i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
