If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We have started to decorate penises.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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