so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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