Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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