You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize