sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
