meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
