Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
