There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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