I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
