u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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