i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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