I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
