things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
