I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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