the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I want is dick and wine.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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