I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
