we're blogging at a bar
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he thought i was a dude.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
