Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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