we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
