That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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