he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize