So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
