and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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