My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
babies were throwing up all over the place
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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