Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
