how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
