Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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