By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
