Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
