I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
