I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm too high and old for this...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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