Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
