But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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