Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
do herpes really smell.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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