Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
