Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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