Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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