I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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