You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
