we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
