mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish I only lived at night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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