.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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