i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
