Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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