I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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