Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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