...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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