i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
