can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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