Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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