youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
