Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
