At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
