Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
