I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
