You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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