You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
