i think my tv is drunk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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