I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Pooping to opera.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
