This is not my ceiling
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
