Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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