I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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