do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize