On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
