You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize