so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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