She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
