in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
