White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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