I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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