yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
