I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
only if we run a train.
done.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
