Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
