i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
