I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
