But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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