you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Couch. On fire.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
