dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
