I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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