Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
