it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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