All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
