K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
