susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
