hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize