I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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