Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
