i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize