Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
