hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
